Jide Falomo, soaked in a river of tears, climbed down from his bed and went on his knees.
“Dear God, I haven’t done this in a long time. I don’t even know how to do it. But if what they say about you is true, that you are all-knowing and all-powerful, that means you will listen to my words regardless and help me as they say you can.
“I made the wrong choice. I do not remember making this choice but I believe that I did and I have only myself to blame for the way things have turned out for me. It is wrong because it makes me ashamed. It is wrong because it makes me afraid. It is wrong because it has made people around me unhappy. So this day, I have resolved to start again. To start from where I am. I am a man as far as I can see, and I want to live the rest of my life as a man. Help me, Dear God.”
He stood up and wiped his tears. He felt a sudden invigoration. For no particular reason, he contracted the muscles of his biceps, puffed out his chest, and said the words “I am a man. And I need a woman.”
At the same instant, Funbi stirred in her sleep and an involuntary moan escaped her lungs. Jide moved from the bedroom to the sitting room where she slept on a mattress on the floor. She was beautiful. He could see that. She slept in a transparent low neck nightie and he could see all of her perky breasts. But he did not feel anything.
Did God not hear his prayer? Wasn’t He supposed to help him now that he had decided he wanted to be straight?
Funbi opened her eyes and found him looking at her. She was not embarrassed because he was looking at her like a doctor or her father would, with concern their eyes, like, why are you not covered up? You will catch a cold!
“I’m fine Brother Jide. Why are you not sleeping?”
“Why aren’t you rushing to cover yourself? A man is looking at your nakedness and you are behaving normally.”
“Brother Jide naa!” She said and sat up. “What’s the matter?”
“I came to be with you,” Jide said.
“Alright. I can fold the mattress and we can sit and talk. I know it’s a difficult moment for you.”
“I don’t just want to talk. I want to make love with you.”
Funbi could have laughed if the circumstances were different. But she knew Jide was passing through a difficult time and he needed support.
“Come to bed with me,” he said.
“Okay,” Funbi said and got up and followed Jide into the bedroom.
He lay down and she lay beside him. They were still for a moment then Jide stretched a hand and touched her breasts tentatively and withdrew his hand.
Why didn’t he feel anything?
Jide Falomo was one of the best looking men Funbi had ever seen. He looked like Anthony Joshua but with less pronounced muscles. The same complexion, same eyes, and lips. A few weeks in the gym and Funbi was sure that the body would be just the same. He was somewhat effeminate in his mannerisms but it was not altogether unusual. You only worried about that if you knew about his sexuality.
When she first came to live with them, Kemi begged Funbi to try to seduce her husband in case the problem was that she did not like her. They planned that should it work out, Kemi would walk in on them one day and demand to take part so that her marriage would be consummated, and who knows, from there Jide could get round to having sex with her consistently.
Funbi did everything. She walked around the house naked so that he could see her. She brushed her body against his ‘mistakenly’ on numerous occasions. Each time, he either apologized or advised her to be careful so that a stranger did not see her like that. Then one day she bit the bullet and asked him if he did not find her attractive.
“I’m married” was his reply.
She gave up, Kemi gave up as well but Funbi became good friends with him. He was funny and kind to her even though he did not get along with his wife. Funbi was convinced that had they not been married, Jide would have been kind to Kemi as well.
Kemi told her everything before she left. Funbi knew her friend would say or do anything to leave the marriage and she understood that. But Funbi did not believe that Jide was capable of rape. That night together though, she feared that he was falling into depression, for nothing else would have been responsible for his faux attempt at seducing her.
“I know this is hard for you Brother Jide. But it is not your fault. You did not create yourself this way. Don’t beat yourself up. It was the right decision to let her go. What you have to do is pick yourself up and live your life. I will suggest you try to reconcile with your family and see how you can leverage them to relocate to a society where you will be accepted for who you are.”
“You are wrong Funbi. I was not created like this. I made the choice to be with men instead of women. Now I want to reverse that choice.”
“But as you can see, it is not just by choosing to. If it were, we would be making love now.”
“I will not have sex with another man again, ever,” Jide affirmed.
“Stop Funbi. I know you want to be kind to me. You have imbibed the foreign sentiment of ‘acceptance’. That we should not judge, and all that nonsense that does not help anybody. While that is good and fair, it does not change the fact that what I have practiced all my life is wrong. Gay people still want to marry. They want families. They want children they cannot conceive. Shouldn’t that tell them something? They want normal things but refuse to accept that they are not normal! Homosexuality is contrary to nature. It was brought about by a spiritual departure from the will of God. It was a choice we all made. We can all also make the choice to do the right thing.”
“You have been listening to that man at the back right?” Funbi said.
“Mr. Cosmas speaks the truth. His words hit hard. It is easier to ignore him than to listen to him. But he saved me from going to prison. His knowledge has bought me a second chance at life. A second chance I have decided to grab.”
Funbi took a deep breath, exhaled, and said “Wow!”
“Yes, Funbi. I’m not doing the gay thing anymore. I have asked God to help me. I want you to help me too.”
Funbi propped up on one elbow and looked him squarely in the face.
“I am happy for what you have just said Brother Jide. Even though I like to behave like I’m woke by accepting you the way you are, I still feel bad that a good looking guy like you is wasting away. I don’t like it that you grew to resent your wife because you couldn’t be with her. Honestly, if you will want a woman I will be the happiest person on earth.”
“I want a women. I want you.”
“But it is somehow na. What will people say? My friend will even think that we have been doing this all along and you were pretending so that she would leave so we would be together.”
“She will not think so. She wanted me because I was her husband but she was in love with someone else. Kemi is everything but she is not selfish. If she knew about us, she would be happy for me.”
Funbi knew that Jide had just spoken the truth. Kemi was an angel.
“But then brother Jide, we have been lying together for a while now. Because I like men, my body has come alive since. I have been pushing close to you and you have not even noticed. My nipples are so swollen and hard and you cannot see it. My pussy is so wet and you cannot even guess! You don’t even know you are supposed to try to touch me there. How can this be?”
Funbi put her hand in his shorts and touched his limp penis.
“If I didn’t know you, I would have felt really bad about this. No man has ever been this close to me without his penis bursting out of his shorts if he is still wearing one.”
Funbi sighed and said “I appreciate that you want to do the right thing, but it looks to me like wishing it is not enough. You could ask Mr. Cosmas if there’s anything you can do. Surely someone somewhere would have reached this kind of realization and decided to become straight again and written a guide or a manual or something. Because from what I see, it will take more than willpower for you to reset.”
Jide closed his eyes when Funbi finished talking. He hoped that it was his imagination because he did hear her voice crack in the end. She put her head on his chest and he could tell now that she was sobbing.
“Sorry I cried,” Funbi said and laughed softly. “I just became emotional. Really it would have been nice if you could fuck me. I’m turned on. But it is fine. I understand.”
Jide remembered a conversation he once had with an ex-boyfriend. The man was his coursemate, married with three children. He was the only lover Jide switched roles with. One day, they talked about being married as a gay man.
“I always wanted to be married and have biological children, you know, for appearances. I knew all I had to do was to ejaculate into my wife’s vagina and she would conceive. I was not attracted to her but I found a way. I made sex happen only at night. I switch off the lights and imagine I’m making love to Jussie Smollett and then fuck the hell out of her. She cums, gives me babies, and the following day I come to you and make love properly.”
Funbi was jolted awake by Jide getting up to turn off the lights. He came back to bed and gathered her in his arms like before. She placed her head on his chest again and tangled her legs in his. It was soothing sleeping in a man’s arms even though they were not making love. After a few minutes, she noticed that his breathing become faster. Then she felt something hard rub against her thigh. She felt him and saw that he had taken off his shorts and sure enough, his penis had become hard.
“Oh Lawd” she gasped when she took it in her hand. It was long and thick. This must be a dream she thought.
There was only one way to find out.
She straddled him and kissed him and he kissed her back. She held his penis again and it stayed as strong as the mace of the eighth national assembly. She stroked it and it nodded its acceptance. Funbi still could not believe it. She went lower and kissed it. It only continued to throb as all the blood in his body rushed there. She took it in her mouth and moaned in supreme pleasure as she tasted its saltiness. She sucked it, rubbed it against her cheeks, pushed it into her eyes, played with it like she used to do with every new doll her mother bought her as a child.
“Brother Jide!” She moaned when she came up for air.
“Yes dear,” he said, with eyes firmly shut as he kept his concentration.
“Please come and fuck me. Shift my pant and fuck me.”
She fell on her back with the agility of a cat and spread her legs. Jide mounted her, groped around, found her panties, and shifted it to one side, and penetrated her vagina.
“I can’t believe this Brother Jide. Fuck me brother Jide. See how wet I am for you brother Jide. How could you have denied us this all these years brother Jide? Oh! Ah! You’re so big. You’re so sweet. You’re so good! Oh Lawd! Brother Jide. Give me doggy. Come and give me doggy!”
She pushed him away and removed her nightie and panties and plopped on all fours.
“Come brother Jide. Fuck me from the back brother Jide!”
Jide found his way around again and penetrated her as she wanted and thrusted and thrusted.
“Hold my boobs brother Jide. Oh brother Jide!”
He guided her off the bed into a standing position and bent her over. This was a more familiar position that heightened his excitement and from where he comfortably gathered her breasts in his hands. He fucked her as hard as he could until she collapsed on the bed and began to scream his name. He too reached the peak of his pleasure and ejaculated heavily into her. They stayed that way until he heard her snoring softly. He sighed and rolled over onto the bed.
Then he prayed again.
“Dear God, please forgive me that I cheated while I did that. I had to heed the advice of my friend and think about Jussie Smollett. Now that I have done it successfully, I believe that Funbi will be convinced about my resolve and help me onto the right path. I promise Dear God that I will not think of a man again when next I do it with her. Also Dear God, I know it was not right to use Jussie Smollett as well. As I strive to turn a new leaf, I pray also that you help all gay men around the world including Mr. Smallet to change their ways and become normal again.”
“What are you saying Brother Jide?” Funbi said tiredly.
“I was praying.”
“Where did that come from?”
“I have learnt to pray Funbi.”
“I mean the sex. Like, what the fuck Brother Jide?”
“I have always believed that you can do anything you want to do so long as you put your mind to it.”
“Amen,” Funbi said, and fell asleep again.
TO BE CONTINUED.